You See Virgil, I Told You in Blackpool They Were Shit
I’ll start how I mean to go on. I fucking hate Jurgen Klopp.
I hate everything about him. I hate the fact he thinks he is really funny. I
hate the fact that he gets away with murder in terms of inflammatory behaviour
and comments. He’s such an arrogant prick when he’s done absolutely nothing at
Liverpool aside from spend shit loads of money. He hasn’t build a team that is
going to challenge to win the league and they are out of every competition they
had a chance of winning at the start of the season.
His arrogance over other Van Dijk transfer saga was quite
breathtaking, getting personally involved with the player that he absolutely
knew he had no right to speak to, let alone make DVDs for him or meet him in
Blackpool. Still though, he gets a free
pass for the media in this country because he is quotable and a bit of a
character. Then there’s the over celebration of Liverpool goals which because
the technical area is along one touchline, is invariably in front of home
supporters. By all means be passionate but don’t be a complete over the top
dickhead. I was wondering how he was going to handle his pre-match press
conference bearing in mind all the van Dijk shit that went down and he didn’t
let me down. He made some joke about maybe Liverpool needing to set up a Scouting
Academy in Southampton. I know it was a joke and I know he’s not serious but
that is the exactly the sort of comment that people are going to get annoyed
about. Having signed Suarez and Coutinho, you wonder how he would’ve reacted if
someone from Barcelona had made the same joke but of course as we all know
Liverpool are offended by everything and ashamed by nothing. The bloke has
absolutely zero respect for any of the opponents or fans of the opponents the
Liverpool play against. With just a little bit more humility, he wouldn’t be
too bad but at the moment, he is a massive wanker.
Talking of massive wankers, Adam Lallana. I have never seen anything as cringeworthy and embarrassing as his sending off for Liverpool Under 23s against Spurs when he was on the end of a challenge that really wasn’t that bad and certainly didn’t warrant the reaction of turning round and jumping on his 18-year-old opponents back and to be honest I don’t know what the fuck he was trying to do. Was it an eye gouge, was it a hair pull, was it just ruffling his hair, was it a face scratch? Whatever it was it was fucking pathetic and embarrassing and even more embarrassing is that his ban only stands for Under 23 matches which is absolutely absurd because he was probably not scheduled to play another one for the rest of his career. I’d have more repect for him if he’d absolutely twatted the bloke but Adam would probably have broken a nail or something.
Then we move onto Dejan Lovren who is now gone down my list because he is quite frankly an embarrassing shadow of a footballer who was decent in the first six months of his one and only season with us. On top of getting dogs abuse from Liverpool fans, his wife also decided to slap it around a bit with the gardner so it would be a bit unfortunate if he got a rendition of ‘stand-up if you’ve shagged his wife’ today.
Other returning players include Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain who has spent eight years achieving next to nothing at Arsenal apart from being a substitute and he has settled for the same again at Liverpool. If he sees out his four year contract there, he will then be 30 years old and never been a first in regular anywhere other than in his season with Saints in league one. I don’t think anyone really has a problem with Sadio Mané who has not been the main man this season with the emergence of Mohammad Salah who has been different class. Nathaniel Clyne has hardly played this season with the official reason being a long-standing back injury but there are plenty of interesting rumours as to what the real problem actually is.
Then we have the other bloke, Virgil Van Dijk who in the face of serious competition, emerges as the biggest tosser of them all. It has been well documented that he plotted his move away from St Mary‘s whilst he was recovering from injury, six months after signing a new five year contract and most of this would’ve been forgiven if he got his head down and tried for the first half of the season but the guy didn’t give a fuck and sulked to such a degree that we decided to cut our losses before January. The good news is that he is absolutely nowhere near the level that he was at pre-injury with us and long may that continue. Instant hero status to any Saints player who clatters the fucker this afternoon.
A lot is been said as to whether the crowd at the game see you should give a load of shit to our former players. I am firmly of the belief that we should because I have never seen anyone die on their arse as much as Lallana date in his first game back at St.Mary’s. I’m not sure that the same tactic will work with van Dijk because he is incredibly laid-back and the more laid-back he is, the more likely he is to fuck something up. Nevertheless, I hope he gets dogs abuse from the moment he set foot in the ground and that he gets endless shit for any little mistake he makes.
On the other hand, you know that one of Lovren and van Dijk will score with a header from a corner today. And breathe….
Having all that out the way, we can now talk about us and it’s been a relatively quiet week with no new injuries reported and a slight sense of optimism after the West Brom result. This game is a free hit so hopefully Pellegrino has got us fired up and we go out there and fucking hit it.
Having stumbled across the team that played well last week, I do not trust Pellegrino to tinker so I hope he just leave the team exactly the same. If he brings in Hojbjerg for Tadic then fine but I do not want him trying to be clever because he isn’t clever and it will only go wrong. Everyone knows Liverpool’s weaknesses which is the defence because they are left totally over exposed by the lack of defensive midfield structure. You would think that the manager as good as Klopp thinks he is would be able to sort that out.
I’m in the ground and there is a rather bizarre hail and sleet shower going on whilst the sun shines as the team news comes through. Just the one change from last week but it is leaving out Boufal and bringing in Hojbjerg. Tadic survives again. This will probably be okay if Pellegrino uses Hojbjerg in a three-man midfield to match up against what Liverpool do but if he uses him as a number 10 then it’s a complete fucking waste of time. There is no place in our front line either so we can’t sit deep and play on the break. This again, points to a midfield three and trying to dominate possession. Somehow, I am not expecting Pellegrino’s thinking to be that joined up and logical.
Liverpool‘s midfield three is Can, Wijnaldum and Oxlade-Chamberlain so there really is nothing to be frightened about in there if we get stuck into them. The front three of course are fucking scary with the pace of Mané and Salah and the intelligence of Firmino. Before the game, we are subjected to some bizarre Chinese Dragon Dancing Bollocks in celebration of the Chinese New Year. I forget for a second that we have a Chinese owner because we have never heard from him but I guess this is supposed to impress him. I guess that not getting relegated would impress him more.
Away ago and we look nervous as fuck right from the off. Liverpool are closing us down what they always do and we are panicking the shit out of it at the back. A shit kick from McCarthy, an overhit pass from Lemina and some shit control by Wesley and we just about get away with it because Firmino decides to go to ground rather than try and stay on his feet. OK, now settle down. Ok then… it takes all of two minutes. It starts with a shit free kick into the box from Bertrand which hits the first man and end up with Karius, a quick throw and then Liverpool break. One pass from Chamberlain and Wesley gets his legs all fucked up like a fucking giraffe on ice and plays an air shot allowing the ball through to Salah, a quick ball to Firmino who calmly as you like, passes it into the net past an exposed McCarthy who has absolutely no chance. Five minutes gone, 1-0 down. Fucks sake.
Talking of massive wankers, Adam Lallana. I have never seen anything as cringeworthy and embarrassing as his sending off for Liverpool Under 23s against Spurs when he was on the end of a challenge that really wasn’t that bad and certainly didn’t warrant the reaction of turning round and jumping on his 18-year-old opponents back and to be honest I don’t know what the fuck he was trying to do. Was it an eye gouge, was it a hair pull, was it just ruffling his hair, was it a face scratch? Whatever it was it was fucking pathetic and embarrassing and even more embarrassing is that his ban only stands for Under 23 matches which is absolutely absurd because he was probably not scheduled to play another one for the rest of his career. I’d have more repect for him if he’d absolutely twatted the bloke but Adam would probably have broken a nail or something.
Then we move onto Dejan Lovren who is now gone down my list because he is quite frankly an embarrassing shadow of a footballer who was decent in the first six months of his one and only season with us. On top of getting dogs abuse from Liverpool fans, his wife also decided to slap it around a bit with the gardner so it would be a bit unfortunate if he got a rendition of ‘stand-up if you’ve shagged his wife’ today.
Other returning players include Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain who has spent eight years achieving next to nothing at Arsenal apart from being a substitute and he has settled for the same again at Liverpool. If he sees out his four year contract there, he will then be 30 years old and never been a first in regular anywhere other than in his season with Saints in league one. I don’t think anyone really has a problem with Sadio Mané who has not been the main man this season with the emergence of Mohammad Salah who has been different class. Nathaniel Clyne has hardly played this season with the official reason being a long-standing back injury but there are plenty of interesting rumours as to what the real problem actually is.
Then we have the other bloke, Virgil Van Dijk who in the face of serious competition, emerges as the biggest tosser of them all. It has been well documented that he plotted his move away from St Mary‘s whilst he was recovering from injury, six months after signing a new five year contract and most of this would’ve been forgiven if he got his head down and tried for the first half of the season but the guy didn’t give a fuck and sulked to such a degree that we decided to cut our losses before January. The good news is that he is absolutely nowhere near the level that he was at pre-injury with us and long may that continue. Instant hero status to any Saints player who clatters the fucker this afternoon.
A lot is been said as to whether the crowd at the game see you should give a load of shit to our former players. I am firmly of the belief that we should because I have never seen anyone die on their arse as much as Lallana date in his first game back at St.Mary’s. I’m not sure that the same tactic will work with van Dijk because he is incredibly laid-back and the more laid-back he is, the more likely he is to fuck something up. Nevertheless, I hope he gets dogs abuse from the moment he set foot in the ground and that he gets endless shit for any little mistake he makes.
On the other hand, you know that one of Lovren and van Dijk will score with a header from a corner today. And breathe….
Having all that out the way, we can now talk about us and it’s been a relatively quiet week with no new injuries reported and a slight sense of optimism after the West Brom result. This game is a free hit so hopefully Pellegrino has got us fired up and we go out there and fucking hit it.
Having stumbled across the team that played well last week, I do not trust Pellegrino to tinker so I hope he just leave the team exactly the same. If he brings in Hojbjerg for Tadic then fine but I do not want him trying to be clever because he isn’t clever and it will only go wrong. Everyone knows Liverpool’s weaknesses which is the defence because they are left totally over exposed by the lack of defensive midfield structure. You would think that the manager as good as Klopp thinks he is would be able to sort that out.
I’m in the ground and there is a rather bizarre hail and sleet shower going on whilst the sun shines as the team news comes through. Just the one change from last week but it is leaving out Boufal and bringing in Hojbjerg. Tadic survives again. This will probably be okay if Pellegrino uses Hojbjerg in a three-man midfield to match up against what Liverpool do but if he uses him as a number 10 then it’s a complete fucking waste of time. There is no place in our front line either so we can’t sit deep and play on the break. This again, points to a midfield three and trying to dominate possession. Somehow, I am not expecting Pellegrino’s thinking to be that joined up and logical.
Liverpool‘s midfield three is Can, Wijnaldum and Oxlade-Chamberlain so there really is nothing to be frightened about in there if we get stuck into them. The front three of course are fucking scary with the pace of Mané and Salah and the intelligence of Firmino. Before the game, we are subjected to some bizarre Chinese Dragon Dancing Bollocks in celebration of the Chinese New Year. I forget for a second that we have a Chinese owner because we have never heard from him but I guess this is supposed to impress him. I guess that not getting relegated would impress him more.
Away ago and we look nervous as fuck right from the off. Liverpool are closing us down what they always do and we are panicking the shit out of it at the back. A shit kick from McCarthy, an overhit pass from Lemina and some shit control by Wesley and we just about get away with it because Firmino decides to go to ground rather than try and stay on his feet. OK, now settle down. Ok then… it takes all of two minutes. It starts with a shit free kick into the box from Bertrand which hits the first man and end up with Karius, a quick throw and then Liverpool break. One pass from Chamberlain and Wesley gets his legs all fucked up like a fucking giraffe on ice and plays an air shot allowing the ball through to Salah, a quick ball to Firmino who calmly as you like, passes it into the net past an exposed McCarthy who has absolutely no chance. Five minutes gone, 1-0 down. Fucks sake.
Showing great signs of learning lessons we get caught on the
break again with Salah feeding Mané who passes to Oxlade-Chamberlain who
demonstrates that he’s nowhere near the level of the other Liverpool players by
having his shot deflected to McCarthy.
Slowly but surely, Saints are coming back into it and begin
winning the midfield area. Romeu flots a
really good ball over Robertson to Hojbjerg who chests it down well and
eventually shoots but Karius has flown out well to block. Not Pierre’s fault but he’s never scored for
us and the manager has him playing in an attacking position. Out resurgence is all a bit fragile though as
Liverpool just have to wait for us to give the ball away before they attack
again and Mané luckily looks like a man out of form and shoots wide.
Two more chances for us as we build on the right through
Cedric and JWP and the latter puts over a great ball and Carrillo climbs high
and heads down but straight at Karius. He slaps the ground in frustration as he knows
he’ll probably not get another decent cross to attack for about 4 games. Carrillo then gets involved laying off to
Tadic and he puts over his one good cross for the game onto the head of JWP who
makes good contact with the header but Karius tips it over the bar comfortably
enough.
So, since the goal it’s been quite even but then guess what
happens? Matip stolls forward from the
back under no challenge and takes out our midfield with one ball into Salah’s
feet. He knocks off to Firmino, a quick
back heel and Salah is in on goal, bang, 2-0, brilliant goal and that my
friends is the difference. Players with
pace and intelligence and movement.
Half time and it’s depressing. I can hear the approximately 6 year old kids
behind me asking if they can go home and their Dad explaining why they can’t
but he doesn’t sound convincing. Usually
at 2-0 down, you know that if you make a fast start to the second half and
score, you’ll have a chance. Sadly, you
also know that under Captain Chaos, we usually start the second half worse and
we’re just as likely to do nothing.
I can’t even really be arsed to write about the second half.
It starts and Captain Chaos team talk
has obviously been a Churchillian rabble rousing affair and we carry on with
exactly the same players and formation, only 20 yards further back aside fro Carrillo who is beating his head against a brick wall miles away from anyone. I mean, for fucks sake. Liverpool have settled for a 2-0 and are just
passing it about under no pressure from us and we appear to have settled for it
as well. Go and fucking kick
someone. Liverpool just take the piss
and are almost keeping the score down out of pity. Mané is trying but he’s playing shite and
Salah and Firmino both miss chances because they aren’t bothered any more – the
job is done and it’s Champions League on Wednesday.
Captain Chaos takes off the clearly suffering Lemina and
replaces him with Boufal who was then completely shit for the reminder of the
match. The next sub was one you really
need when you need 2 goals in 20 minutes – Shane Long (4 goals in 75 games
approx) on in place of JWP – the only guy who stands a chance of playing a
decent ball into a striker. Long goes
out on the right before we go 4-4-2 again with Tadic, who is somehow still on
the pitch despite being a useless wanker out on the right. The last throw of the dice sees Steve Davis
who has been in awesome game-changing form recently, brought on for Romeu. Romeu had been poor and had picked up a
yellow card cos at least he had the fight to go and kick someone.
Klopp just took the piss – first bringing on that pathetic
little shit Lallana for the abysmal Oxlade-Chamberlain and then the ultimate – bringing on Lovren for the last 5
minutes. No one could be arsed to sing
about the gardener as the game had been so spirit crushing that no one
cared. It must have been the easiest win
Liverpool have ever had – certainly the easiest since they played us at
Anfield. It was probably one of the easiest
games of Virgil van Dijk’s career. I bet
he got more of a test playing against Scottish Division 2 clubs for Celtic in
their cup competitions. I’m not knocking
Scottish Div 2 clubs here as we would struggle to beat them.
With all the results going against this at the weekend and us
being in the bottom three as we kicked off, I expected some fight today and a
performance. We got none of that. Instead we got a team and manager that was
happy to settle for 2-0 defeat from 45 minutes onwards. We came out for the
second half at 2-0 down with the same team, in the same shape but playing 20
yards deeper. What innovation, what tactical mastery. Fuck me!!! Liverpool were content to just fuck about in
the second half and we did not lay a glove on them or hurry them up or do
anything. The atmosphere completely died within the ground and none of our
players did anything to try and raise things to a decent level. Still, we had
the fucking plastic clackers for that I guess.
Rule Number 1 for today should’ve been that the first player
gets a chance fucking clatters Van Dijk. That would’ve got the fans fired up,
the players fired up, shown we meant business and we may have got a
performance. Unfortunately, no one could be bothered and Van Dijk (and the rest
of the Liverpool side) was allowed to just stroll through the game under no
pressure whatsoever. We didn’t get anyone around him to test him and just left
Carrillo upfront on his own battling against two huge centre backs. It was
pathetic. If Liverpool have needed to win the game 5-0 then they easily could
have done. They took their foot off the gas in the second half and luckily they
weren’t taking care over the final ball and finishing. They didn’t need to,
they had already scored two goals in the first half with great economy and that
was enough. They have a Champions League match coming up on Wednesday so they
saved themselves for that and they could’ve just strolling around doing the
bare minimum the whole of the second half and we allow them to do that in the
most pathetic manner. Would they have
fancied it if we’d been flying into tackles?
We’ll never know.
Captain Chaos came up with two more bewildering substitutions and the game limped to it inevitable conclusion which was a pathetic defeat which leaves us 18th in the table, staring relegation in the face and completely deflated after last weeks little bit of optimism. With two weeks to go before the next league game, it is of course another great opportunity to sack the useless fucker which of course, we won’t take though there has been a picture published of Chairman Gao, Katharina Liebherr and Ralph Krueger all out in China so you never know.
Of the players, Alex McCarthy was blameless as he had no chance with either goal. Jack Stephens played well because there was no physical battle today but because it was pacey tricky attackers, Wesley Hoedt was a nightmare. Bertrand and Cedric did their best but were unable to influence the game too much going forward. Romeu tried hard without getting anywhere and Lemina was by far away our best player before he had to be substituted. With Romeu, you could actually argue that he was our Man of the Match because at least he picked up a yellow card for taking someone out. Hojbjerg unsurprisingly was like a fish up a tree again and of the two wingers, JWP was by far the most threatening (least shit) but he was the one of course who got substituted whilst Tadic stayed on for 90 minutes in what was one of his more pathetic displays. Up front, anyone criticising Carrillo really doesn’t have a clue what it’s like to play as a striker when you offered a diet of complete shit for service and have no players anywhere need you and you’re playing against two monster centre backs on your own.
Captain Chaos came up with two more bewildering substitutions and the game limped to it inevitable conclusion which was a pathetic defeat which leaves us 18th in the table, staring relegation in the face and completely deflated after last weeks little bit of optimism. With two weeks to go before the next league game, it is of course another great opportunity to sack the useless fucker which of course, we won’t take though there has been a picture published of Chairman Gao, Katharina Liebherr and Ralph Krueger all out in China so you never know.
Of the players, Alex McCarthy was blameless as he had no chance with either goal. Jack Stephens played well because there was no physical battle today but because it was pacey tricky attackers, Wesley Hoedt was a nightmare. Bertrand and Cedric did their best but were unable to influence the game too much going forward. Romeu tried hard without getting anywhere and Lemina was by far away our best player before he had to be substituted. With Romeu, you could actually argue that he was our Man of the Match because at least he picked up a yellow card for taking someone out. Hojbjerg unsurprisingly was like a fish up a tree again and of the two wingers, JWP was by far the most threatening (least shit) but he was the one of course who got substituted whilst Tadic stayed on for 90 minutes in what was one of his more pathetic displays. Up front, anyone criticising Carrillo really doesn’t have a clue what it’s like to play as a striker when you offered a diet of complete shit for service and have no players anywhere need you and you’re playing against two monster centre backs on your own.
Wesley Hoedt Trying to Get His Legs Sorted Out
So, with West Brom being a step forward, we somewhat predictably then took two steps back and back into the bottom three. Our next chance to get out of it is in two weeks time with an away game at Burnley followed by a home game against Stoke which is another one of those must win game is that Pellegrino is so good at. I of course would prefer him not to be our manager when the game takes place. Before that we have the small matter of the 5th round of the FA Cup and another trip to West Brom. Pellegrino needs a win so there is no danger of us not picking a full side for that game.
I’ve said before that it’s kind of pointless worrying about
other teams results at this stage but what is interesting is the comparative
levels of performance. Newcastle beat
Manchester United and it looked from highlights that they were really putting
in a shift for their supporters and for the shirt and most importantly, for
their manager. I was not a huge fan of
Benitez when he was Liverpool manager but he is a superb manager, especially
when compared to the guy who was supposed to be learning from him who is sat in
our dug out. Benitez has a squad with
many players who are nowhere near the alleged level of ours but they’re
organized and they fight and they have attacking intent. The point is that the manager is the most
important member of the staff, bar none.
A good manager can make average players into a good team. Meanwhile, in Southampton…
Our season is going to be decided in the next five league games which are Burnley away, Stoke at home, Newcastle away, Swansea away and West Ham away. I would say that we need nine points from those five games. If we end up with significantly less than that then we are completely fucked. Again, I reiterate that I would trust almost any manager more than Pellegrino with those 5 games.
Our season is going to be decided in the next five league games which are Burnley away, Stoke at home, Newcastle away, Swansea away and West Ham away. I would say that we need nine points from those five games. If we end up with significantly less than that then we are completely fucked. Again, I reiterate that I would trust almost any manager more than Pellegrino with those 5 games.
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